Letting it go
A few weeks ago, I was very upset by something someone had done. I was right, he was wrong. I was following the rules, and he was making them up as he went along. But he won anyway, and there was nothing I could do about it. Except seethe. And seethe I did. My undisciplined mind kept returning to the scene of the crime and rehashing my rightness and his wrongness. The more I thought about it the angrier I became.
It's fine to be upset when we are wronged. Getting your feelings hurt is not a sin. However, it's not fine to dwell on that anger or hurt. That's usually a sign of unbridled pride. For me that's what this was. My pride was wounded. I couldn't change the situation, so I needed to let it go and move on. Easier said than done.
So I took a break, walked to a little chapel down the street and tried to pray it away. It worked for about five minutes. Then the feelings of anger and unjustness were back. I was desperately trying to do the right thing and let it go, but because I had previously allowed myself to indulge in this type of thing, I was finding it increasingly difficult. The harder I tried, the harder my soul clung to its hurt feelings. All day this battle raged within me. When I finally got to the end of the day and was saying my final prayer before going to bed, my mind continued to churn. I prayed again and asked God to help me let it go. I prayed that prayer a dozen times, every time my mind went back to the situation, I stopped. I said, no to my soul. And I prayed. Eventually, my wounded pride took the hint and let it go.